


Evan The Matchmaker

by jarediscronchtastic



Series: o n e s h o t s [8]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: F/F, Fluffy!, Oneshot, Oneshot request, aloe?, lesbiabs!, zolana?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 00:57:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17131988
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jarediscronchtastic/pseuds/jarediscronchtastic
Summary: (Attempt at using third person and past tense)Evan has always been good at helping people in their love lives, and that certainly included helping his friend Alana Beck.(Request by CryingInTheBathroomByHerself)





	Evan The Matchmaker

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CryingInTheBathroomByHerself](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CryingInTheBathroomByHerself/gifts).



Evan drummed his fingers on his laptop mousepad, waiting for something to pop up.   _ Aaaany second now.  Any second now, someone will ask for my advice _ .  

 

He reloaded the page.

 

And then another time for good measure.

 

_ Come on, gimme something! _

 

For the past couple of months, he's been running a blog on Tumblr, a little matchmaking service type of thing.  Leaving his name out of course- he could imagine just how horrible he'd be treated once the other kids at school would react when they found out he ran something like this.  Nonetheless, he's been pretty popular, getting nearly a dozen requests a week. They've been pretty simple, people asking stuff like “I like this guy, but how do I get him to notice me?”  That was easy- talk to him! Now, Evan knew that something like that would be impossible for his shy ass, but so far, he had a 100% success rate, and he wasn't letting anything break that perfect record.  Every time after he helped someone, they'd message him later saying “thank you so much! Yesterday we had our first kiss!” Or something like that. 

 

But for the last week, there's been absolutely  _ nothing _ .  So.  Boring.

 

Reload again.

 

Evan nearly fell out of his desk chair when a message popped up in his inbox.

 

Scooting closer, he reads the message.  “Hello! So, I'm kind of into this girl.  See, I don't know if she's gay, and she doesn't even talk to me.  Like, at all. She's usually too focused on her music. I've tried to strike up a conversation, but she always looks like she'd rather be someplace else.  Well, I don't blame her. I don't know. This is pretty dumb. Thanks anyway!”

 

Hmm. 

 

He chewed on his lip, pondering just how to respond.  He knew from experience that being queer can always be tricky when it comes to this sort of thing- the amount of times he's crushed on a guy only to find he is straight, or a girl, but then learns she is gay- is innumerable.  But! He had a reputation of being amazing! (Well,  _ Acorn762 _ had a reputation.  Not  _ Evan Hansen _ .) He really needed to come up with a better username, maybe a proper pseudonym would be good, like ‘Jason Cohen’ or ‘Peter Collins’.   _ No _ .   _ He was used to this _ .  

 

“Dear Anon,” he started with.  “Trying to talk to someone can certainly be tricky!  Try complimenting her music, get a conversation going there?  (Ex. ‘Hey, I heard you playing the other day, you're really good at the piano!’ Or ‘You like The Beatles?  So do I! Which album is your fave?’) You can certainly play around with that, people love to talk about their interests and hobbies!  Don't be scared to try a super unique compliment, either! People really like it when you notice little details, like how they decorate their locker, or something like that!  I know it can be hard to get someone to talk to you, and you also shouldn't push it. Keep your sentences shorter at first, people don't like to hear rambling because they will lose interest, save that until you get deeper into a conversation!  Also, it can definitely be hard to learn if someone is queer or not, but you can even try asking her friends! Maybe if she's straight, it can still be okay, I'm sure you two can become good friends! No matter what, she will be lucky to have someone like you in her life.  Hope this helps, and best of luck!”

 

There.  He submitted his reply, and pushed himself away from the desk, and closed the laptop.   _ Please let this all work out for her!  _

 

The last thing he ever wants to do is disappoint someone, so he always reads plenty of magazines (usually trashy ones, but they're helpful!) and online articles.  By now, he’s built up a mental library of tips and tricks, and can only hope they help.

 

_ Well, it's late, I guess we’ll see in the morning _ .

 

\---

When Evan arrived at school the next day, he's greeted by his friend, Jared.   _ Not even Jared knows about his blog, and he's the last person he wants to find out _ .   _ Preferably never in a bazillion years _ .

 

“Hey, dude!”  Jared gave him a playful punch in the arm, but it felt like someone just head butted him.  He rubbed his arm, and gave Jared a nod in return.

 

“Hey!”  He looked around.  “Where's Alana? She should be here by now.”  

 

The three usually meet by Evan’s locker in the morning as it is closest to their first period class, but today, for the first time ever, the typically punctual Alana Beck is nowhere to be found.

 

Jared shrugged.  “Dunno. Anyway, you'll never guess what-”

 

And that's when Evan tuned him out.  Normally, he’ll let Jared go on and on about gossip about who's having sex with who, but he's interested in something else.  

 

He nudged Jared, then jerked his chin in the direction of two girls.  “Look!” he whispered.

 

“Is.. is Alana talking to Zoe?”

 

Based on what Evan gathered, Alana was complimenting Zoe’s blue guitar.  Surprisingly, she's actually paying attention to Alana. Zoe isn't a bad person, not at all.  But she just.. she doesn't typically talk to people outside her friend group, namely, the jazz band.

 

Alana hooked her fingers around her backpack straps.  “Um, hey, uh, I heard you and the band playing the other day!  You were really good! You know, my dad actually loves jazz, we have, like,  _ hundreds _ of jazz records.  Did you know that-” she stopped herself, and coughed awkwardly.

 

_ Wait a second _ .   _ That's.. that's the example I gave, nearly word for word.  Oh my god. It can't be. No way.  _

 

“Damn, Alana is  _ shit  _ at flirting,” Jared laughed.  “Like, she's-”

 

Evan put a hand over his mouth, shushing him, so he can listen.

 

“That's cool.”  

 

He winced.   _ Not good.  Zoe shows hardly any interest or enthusiasm.  She's not even faking it. Bad advice, Evan. Bad, bad, bad _ .

 

“Yeah…” Alana is clearly uncomfortable as well, and stared down at the floor.

 

Zoe turned to walk away after a moment, but Alana took a step closer.

 

“Um, do you like Nina Simone?” she said a bit too loudly.  “My, uh, my mom actually worked with her, yeah, apparently she was a bit rude, but she was always writing song lyrics down, but I think my top three are Coltrane, Fitzgerald, and Armstrong.  I-” Alana stopped herself again. “I'm sorry, I'm rambling. I've been told it's not very attractive.. oh, shit, wait, now it's obvious I'm flirting, oh god, okay, I'm sorry, I'll go!” Alana quickly runs away, while shaking her head.

 

_ Uh-oh _ .  Evan sighed.  He runs after her, leaving a shocked Jared behind, and finds her by the water fountain, taking deep breaths and pacing in a small circle.  “Al? You okay?”

 

She jumped at his voice, then nods.  “Yeah! I'm sorry, I'm so awkward when it comes to flirting.  I knew I never should have tried, I shouldn't have asked that random blog.”  She chuckled bitterly at herself. “Yeah, I asked some ‘matchmaking blog’ on  _ Tumblr  _ of all places on how to get a girl to like me!  Geez!”

 

Evan put a hesitant hand on her arm.  “Okay, um, you're probably gonna kill me, but…  _ I'mthepersonwhorunsthatblog _ .  I’m ‘Acorn762.’”  He bowed his head, blushing, but also dizzy with relief that he got his big, stupid secret out there.  Or, at least to one of his friends. The one he messed up with. “I'm sorry, I, I was pretty cocky with that whole blog, but honestly, I don't know what I'm doing!  God, shit, Al, I'm so sorry…”

 

She gaped at him, eyes wide in shock.  “You-” Then she cracked up. 

 

_ Wait, she's.. she's laughing? _

 

Alana wheezed, tears of laughter streaming down her face.  “Oh my god! Oh. My. God! You! I! Woah!”

 

Evan chuckled, but is pretty nervous about all this.

 

She wiped the tears away.  “I can't believe it! Damn!”  Alana shook her head. “Wow. Okay, but listen: it's okay.  I'm, like, 99% sure she hates me, and 99.99% sure she's as straight as an arrow.  It wouldn't have worked out anyway, so, don't sweat it!”

 

“No,”  Evan said firmly.  “No, I'm not going to let you give up.  How about-”

 

Before he could finish, a figure comes sprinting towards them.

 

“Fuck, are you okay?”  Zoe stared at Alana, then glanced over at Evan.

 

Alana looked frightened, then nodded slightly.

 

Evan gave her a comforting smile.

 

“Yeah, sorry about that…”

 

Zoe shrugged.  “Hey, it's okay.  I'm sorry for being a bitch and not talking to you, the truth is, I'm actually... well, I was actually focused on a project..”

 

“I'm so sorry I've been distracting you!” Alana exclaimed, looking worried.

 

Zoe laughed and leaned her side against the wall.  “No! It's okay! It's, well, I was actually working on a song.. for you.  Uh, I like you, too, and I guess I've been too scared to tell you, and whenever you talk to me, I get really flustered and I'm  _ so  _ not used to that, so I panic and try and get out of there as fast as I can!”

 

If Alana looked shocked at first, well...  “A song.. for  _ me _ ?  You.. like me?”

 

She nodded, grinning.  “Yeah!”

 

Evan gives Alana a double thumbs up. _  I don't think I've ever been so excited about forming a couple! _

 

Alana smiled broadly at her.  “Hold on.” She hurried over to Evan, giving him a big hug.  “Thank you!” she whispered in his ear, then pecked his cheek before rejoining Zoe.

 

“And, to answer your question, Nina Simone is pretty damn cool!”  Zoe said happily, then reached for Alana’s hand.

 

Evan mentally patted himself on the back.   _ Not too bad!  Looks like my perfect success rate still holds up! _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Sorry it took so long! I hope you like it! 
> 
> This is my first time writing with these girls, and it was quite fun! I think Alana, in particular, is pretty fun to write with as she can talk for hours about anything! 
> 
> I think it's best if I went back to first person and present tense writing... heh
> 
> Happy holidays, folks! 
> 
> -Jared


End file.
